false dilemma.
Most people don't make bad decisions because they pick the wrong option. They make bad decisions because they haven't searched for all of the options that exist.
A false dilemma is when something is framed as either "A or B" when more options exist. Not can exist, but exist.
It shows up differently but always when there seems to be an either/or statement included:
• I either take this job or i'll never leave my current one.
• I either confront the person I need to, or I never will.
• I either go all-in or not at all.
In reality, the framing is dictating your circumstances.
Identify: When you see two options, remind yourself that you've framed your situation with only two options.
Third Option Rule: Regardless of the scenario or situation, force yourself to find a third option. Even if the option doesn't seem viable. Simply think of one.
Split the variables: separate time, money, identity, risk, your loved ones. Think about how each of those separately are being affected from all three options.
Change the question: Move away from, "Which option is the correct one?" to "Which of these variables are most affected by any and all options?"
Choose optionality when uncertain: Pick the choice that keeps your options open.
When thinking of your options, and attempting to generate a third option, start small. Find something that you can change, navigate, negotiate, or delay within your choices.
If you are thinking about starting a new project and you have the mindset of: I either need to do all of it or none of it. Or, I need all of these things or else I wont do it. Think about what other options exist within the framework. What can you begin doing, what version can exist outside of the two presented that can get you moving, or identify why you shouldnt move to begin with. Then split the variables to see what will be affected and how much it could be affected.
Most anxiety is a false dilemma in disguise. Most stagnation in your career or personal life is a false dilemma in disguise.
When you identify that you've created this dichotomy, pause and find a third option before making the decision.
